I need to finish stuff.

Here is what happens when I actually finish something... 

I'm like a fire-starting genius!  I can initiate like 50 million projects.  My problem occurs when I can't decide which ones are important enough for me to finish.  So, I just leave a bunch of unfinished crap and never feel like I accomplished anything, because technically, I didn't.  Even this blog.  I have no concept or general idea of where I might be going with writing this.  I just wanted to write something, finish it and see what happens.  I guess I'll wing it... 

I chose these pictures because there's a hiking trail called "The Y" in Utah.  I loved that trail.  It was close to where I lived.  It wasn't too long... it was high as hell, but the distance of the trail wasn't far.  The beginning of the hike is all uphill, and it's unbearable if you're out of shape and don't enjoy gasping desperately for air.  The altitude is high and I'm very dramatic so it's tough going up. 

Then they have these little markers that let you know you're getting close.  After what seems like 30 years, you hit two markers and you think you're about done, then you realize there's 11 markers (or maybe I just realized that) and want to just jump off the top of the cliff because it's so frickin' hard to breathe up there.  If you're with someone who's a pain in the ass like me, you'll hear occasional complaining and desperation to just walk back down.  Fortunately, my friends and cousins are irritatingly ambitious and like a moron, I'd always go with them... so they made me finish.

Who knows where I'm going with this... 

Aw yes, I remember--finishing what I start.  I hated it every single time I had to walk up that hill.  I'd see these girls with their baby strollers all perky because they obviously have babies and they're still fit.  They walk by me and wonder why I'm having such a difficult time.  I watch them walk on by and refrain from throwing them off... 

BUT... 

When I'd reach the top, I always was happy and cheering everyone on like I wasn't complaining the whole time.  I'm the friend everyone talks smack about when I leave the room.  Aw well... :D 

To digress, I plan on finishing what I start this year, because even the challenges gave me incredible perspective... and it just made everything much more lucid when I achieved my goals.  There's a lot of friends I don't really get a chance to speak with because I'm very attention deficit and if I think about calling someone, a butterfly could pass my way, and I completely lose my train of thought... HOWEVER, you are all there.  And I appreciate everything everyone has done for me.  I've been incognito for the past few months, but I've been tremendously blessed with support.  And, that has taken me further than I ever thought I could go.  I hope I can inspire everyone else the same way.  Don't be a Tiare... finish what you start! 

Cheers to new beginnings! :) 

The Setting of the Setting of Goals...

It may sound anal, but I plan before I plan.

Whenever I get ready to set a goal, I have a specific checklist of how I want to go about doing that.  Below is a before and after picture, taken within months of each other.  I lost about 30 pounds in three months.  I didn't starve myself, but I did have a regimen I followed.  Given that I'm getting ready to set a few goals, I wanted to make a list of what I did to accomplish one of my toughest goals (losing weight) and how I would incorporate that into accomplishing any future goal I plan to achieve.  Perhaps, it may even inspire...

1.  I incorporated spirituality into my regimen.  I'm just a spiritual person.  I'm a bit of a hippy, and I embrace that to the fullest.  So I'd prayed before I worked out.  This helped me.  It gave me strength, and it helped me to realize the more grounded sense of weight loss-staying healthy, as opposed to the superficial reasons of wanting to look good.  Although, I did want to look good as well.  I just didn't want to lose my sense of depth.  Basically, I wanted to remain kind... some people can do that without prayer.  I'm not one of those people.  

2.  I didn't just cut things out of my diet.  I cut certain things out of my life.  Certain things are just distracting.  I didn't date while I dieted.  I wanted to wait until I accomplished something for myself.  I took time to think about myself, where I wanted to be and how it would positively effect me once I did start dating again.  

3.  Nothing anyone said mattered to me.  People gave me all types of advice on what to do and what not to do when dieting.  It's extremely simple, eat right and exercise.  Maybe some people do need the extra motivation from a personal trainer.  No one trained me.  I just realized I was eating too damn much and wasn't exercising.  With that said, I ignored anyone who told me anything negative on what I wanted to accomplish.  A lot of people told me I was getting too skinny.  People accused me of starving myself.  Others thought I even got some type of surgery.  Please.  I just used willpower.  Everyone has it in them.  

4.  I didn't put others down.  One thing I notice A LOT with people is their inevitable abilities to get a little full of themselves.  I never teased people who were bigger than me.  You just have issues if you're one of those people and are begging karma to screw you over.  I also didn't think I was better than anyone else because I'd overcome my own barriers.  I just realized I was capable and used that as a push to accomplish something else that may be positive reinforcement to my self-esteem. 

5.  I believed in myself.  This was the precursor to my goal-setting.  

Before I even made my goal, I reminded myself of how capable I was to achieve it.  I psyched myself out.  I kept a calendar nearby and made sure to mark off each day I actually ate right and exercised.  Time may be at a standstill during a hardship, but there's been no scientific proof that time travel does exist.  Basically, the days will pass.  If you can reach your goal for one day, try it for the next.  Then, try one more.  Eventually, you'll see a month will pass you by and you'll either have reached your destination or hit a plateau.  

Either way, the next day will be beckoning... and the decision is yours to improve or give up.  Life waits for no one but you do have the option of beating its odds.  Stay focused, stay grounded and stay positive. 

One year... three months.

Tried to make sure I wrote every month that marked the anniversary of my arrival here in Hawaii. I missed it by one day. Yesterday would have been exactly a year and three months since I've resided here.  I arrived on this island on September 28, 2011 with a lot less weight on me and a lot more disdain about the option to relocate. See, food makes you happier! It's that or I just forced myself to adapt to my environment, which had the most positive of placebo effects.

 

...and being positive is the only option at this point...

 

  

This year has been full of memories, and I have appreciated each and every one of them.  I don't always feel that upbeat.  My life has changed for the good and the bad.  I came here with the mentality that I had just met my archenemy and deemed him my stepfather.  He has now developed into one of my best friends and transformed into something unfamiliar and amazing--my father.  Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with colon cancer in October of this year, 2012. 

 

It concerns me on a daily basis, and it's difficult to function knowing some of the hardships my family (especially my mother) endures.  Nonetheless, I also have great faith in our family unit's ability to overcome, exceed and triumph over adversity's indirect way of providing our minds' character.  That's all any of this is--a test of character and faith.  And, whatever the challenge brings, a new phase of strength will be restored.

My Life is Fun

 

"and I'll continue to wear my smile when my tears have left me cold"

Whatever a person's perception of God, common sense or the greater power of being good is, there's no harm in being grateful.  I do happen to believe in God.  To some, it may seem like a silly feat but it gives me great hope to thank something/someone higher, each day, for providing me with the mental sustenance to overcome my heart's occasional despondence.  And when you love as hard as I do, it's easy to fall prey to being heartbroken.

 

I meet people with the intention of loving who they are.  At times, I've been disappointed by own naivete and insecurities.  But more often than not, I'm enlightened.  I learn something from everyone I meet.  And, as long as I'm learning, I'm growing... which gives me the stamina to continue to persevere in whatever goal I may be striving to attain.

  

 

And my only goal for 2013 is to give back everything I have been given...

I wish everyone the happiest 2013!

 Stay positive, stay focused and stay grateful.

 

 

One year in Hawaii!

It has been one year, exactly, since I moved home.  And I'm celebrating by finishing up some work. lol.  I remember how miserable I was when I first got here.  I couldn't wait to leave.  Now, I'm longing to stay.  I've gotten comfortable, which means, I'll probably be leaving soon.  I'm truly blessed.  I work with good people.  I have a good family and the friends I've made here will probably be lifelong.  If you want to see what I went through each month since I've been here, you can go ahead and browse through the old blogs... you can also see me gradually getting fatter through each blog... I'm going to work that off though.

So I'm much too lazy to format this into an actual writing, so I'll make a list of everything I've done since I've been to Hawaii:

1.  Gained like 20 pounds, I'm sure.
2.  Performed my poem, three times :)
3.  Went on a dinner cruise.
4.  Took a trip.
5.  Joined a gym, that I'm probably going to cancel because I never go anymore.
6. Voted.
7.  Saved up my target amount.

....I'm sure there's more but I can't think that hard right now.

What I hope to do the remainder of my stay here:

1.  Volunteer at the shelter with Justin.
2.  Lose that 20 pounds.
3.  Skydiving.
4.  Visit a neighbor island.
5.  Save up enough.
6.  Go salsa dancing.
7.  Karaoke.
8.  Scuba diving
9.  Perform at a new venue.
10.  Win something.... I'll figure it out.

11 months still standing :)

I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday partly because I was just too lazy to, and the other part was a reaction to the first, I was too tired from being lazy :)  But it's been 11 months now since I've been in Hawaii, and it has been a good experience to say the least.  I've learned to just make the most of what I have, focus on what I can change and to stay positive in every circumstance.

My job has been fulfilling.  I enjoy the people I work with, and that, in itself, has been a huge blessing.  I'm still working on getting spiritually where I need to be.  Needless to say, however, I'm a decent person so that should count for something. lol.  I absolutely love my life and the people that I have met in the process.  I've still had my share of misfortunes, but everyone has.  And, I think I've gotten past the stage in my life where I cry about my problems.  They will always be there and there's really nothing I can do but solve them, in order to overcome.

Family is doing well.  Ironically, I hardly ever see them.  My mom will be celebrating another birthday this year, which I'm immensely grateful for.  I have watched my mom endure a lot, and I hope I develop that strength of character in years to come.  Each person I've met since I've been home, even those I may not necessarily "click" with, has taught me something.  And, that has made every day a valuable experience.

Ten Months In Hawaii

I completely forgot that yesterday, July 28, 2012, had been exactly 10 months since I've been in Hawaii.  I had planned to write a blog every single month until I hit the year mark of living here.  So far, so good.  Everything is everything right now.  I went from feeling very alone and dead inside when I first got here, to living life a little too fully sometimes since I've been here.  If I had to choose between the two emotions, hands down, I'd opt for the latter.  It has been one crazy ride, but the things I've seen along the way have been priceless. 

My time in Hawaii will be missed, that's inevitable.  I think what's sinking in the most, now that the time is getting closer to when I actually depart, is how much I'll miss my family.  Ironically, I hardly see my cousins since I've moved here, but I know we're all busy with school and work.  However, when I do see them, I always feel a sense of peace.  They're all such beautiful people.  And, no matter how fast or unpredictable my actions become, I'm always aware of how blessed I am to have such a close-knit family.  Saying goodbye to them is going to be the hardest. 

Enough of that, though, work is work.  I enjoy the people I work with, and I'm learning a lot.  Other than that, nothing much under the sun.  I'm just enjoying life and taking everything, exactly, how it comes... 

Nine months... and I'm not pregnant :)

Sometimes I literally have to pinch myself... life is good.

It's officially my nine-month anniversary since I moved to Hawaii, and life has been good.  I've met all different types of people from many different walks of life, and I absolutely love it here.  The atmosphere is so laid-back, and the acceptance and love I've received has been insurmountable.  It's been a blessing...

My perspective on a lot has changed quite a bit... but it's been worth it.  My job has been a lot of fun, and I love hanging out with comedians.  They're so raunchy and bold, but they are who they are.  None of them censor themselves, which is nice.  I'm not around a bunch of uptight people anymore.  It's great.  I finally feel free.

...and it's amazing.

Eight!

Eight months!  Eight months since I've been in Hawaii, and I have 15 pounds extra on my body to prove it!  Those pounds have been worth the gain.  I'm having so much fun, I don't know what to do with myself.  I feel incredibly blessed, fortunate and happy.  Been some time since I could say that.

I have a new job and I'm learning a lot at work.  I enjoy the people I work with, and it's such a relief to be financially secure for a change.  When I'm not at work, I'm usually out playing.  I've met so many people since being home. And, each and every one of them has taught me something.  I love the diversity and the level of tolerance I've encountered here.

Yes, I'm dating but not one person in particular. lol.  I really like being single.  Maybe one day it'll change but for now, I like my freedom.  Everyone I want in my life, is in it.  Things couldn't be better...

Lucky Number Seven!

 

No, that's not my man.  That's my friend Marckende.  I just wanted to remember this night because I thought it was a pivotal moment in my very shy, reserved life.  Before I get to that, however, I digress... 

It has been exactly seven months, today, that I've been in Hawaii.  That time has traveled somewhat fast.  Other moments, it feels like the time isn't going as fast as I am.  However, I have made the most of my experience in Hawaii, and I'm having fun!  I'm meeting so many different people from all different walks of life, and I love what each and every one of them has taught me.  I still keep in contact with my friends from Georgia, Atlanta, Texas, Alabama, Alaska, etc.  And, I'm happy to be putting Hawaii on that list too!

Lately, I've just been trying to push myself.  I've had tunnel vision with regards to my goals.  I'm very grateful that my parents have been supportive, and I'm just trying to make the best of what has gone on around me.  The food here is delicious, and I love how accepting the people here are.  I hope that I keep the laid-back attitude of the island life with me no matter where I go in the future, and I hope I just keep thriving as far as my writing goes, my career, and the relationships I acquire along the way.

Hawaii has been good for me because it's a change.  Change, I've learned, is the only way to grow.  It hasn't just been Hawaii, though.  I've had to change my way of thinking.  I feel like I was thrown out of my comfort zone, and I've realized that has given me the confidence needed in order to pursue my dreams.  I recently had the opportunity to slam my writing.  I was completely nervous and in many ways, I felt like I bombed.  However, I got it out of the way, and I have a better idea of how I can fix it when I do it again.  Regardless of how I did, I was truly grateful for those that have supported me.  I was so nervous.  I was around a bunch of extroverts who love the spotlight.  The joint was loud and thriving with comics, musicians and dancers.  Then I get up there, and everyone gets quiet.  But, I was heard.  And, that's all that mattered to me.  People came up to me afterwards and gave me props, and I'm still in contact with some.  So, that has been nice.

What I learned the most is that the only way to overcome a fear is to face it head on.  My worst fear is not living up to my own potential.  So, I have pushed myself to the mental limits in every way possible.  Each misstep has just prepared me for a stronger stance in this journey I call life.  I am loving it so far.  I'm climbing, I'm running, and I'm

getting there.

Six Months Going Strong

I thought something seemed a little off-kilter today.

It has been exactly six months, today, that I've been in Hawaii. And, it has been an interesting journey, to say the least. Hawaii is an experience I think everyone should try to have. I think change in general is good for the soul. It has shown me exactly what I'm capable of, and it's helped me to realize how adaptable I can really be.

The thing I love the most about Hawaii is being so close to my family. I have a beautiful family, and it's been a blessing. Regardless of what I'm going through in my life, they're always there for me. And they accept me for my weaknesses and my strengths. They know who I am, and they're okay with that. I always feel home when I'm with my cousins, my aunties, my uncles, or my mom and brothers. And, it gives me a little boost of self-esteem that I can't even extract from the deepest part of myself.

When I first got here, all I could think about was leaving. And, since I've been here, I've decided that Utah just isn't for me. It might be for some people, but I like Hawaii a lot better. I love it here actually. I didn't at first. I thought it was a sheer and utter nightmare living here, and there were even points where I felt so claustrophobic, I could barely breathe. (literally) But, I found peace within myself. Circumstances will happen that are outside of our control sometimes. I had two choices. I could either focus on what I could change or dwell on what could have been. I chose the first, and I'm learning, that's the only way to grow.

I love my life. It's still not perfect, but I am very fortunate. And, in spite of the trials and the obstacles that come my way, I look forward to the opportunity of trying to endure them. Whatever may be in the stars, if the universe has enough confidence in me to give me a fight--I'm down. ;)

Month Nombre FIVE-O.

It's officially five months in Hawaii!

How crazy is that?

I didn't think I'd last a month in this household, but it's been a nice little transition. I will miss home, and I'm proud to call this place, "home." I think now I know where I get my accepting spirit and my generosity from. Can't really help but be accepting here with all the diversity in culture and whatnot.

I absolutely love it here, and if I could afford to live here, I would stay. I'm just not ready to come home yet. It's going to be tough relocating to another place. I've been spoiled by the weather here, how there's always someone ready and willing to talk to you and the lovingness that I've experienced since I've been here.

Yes, I've met a couple of jerks here as well, but those experiences have made me stronger. I'm proud of myself, and I'm really grateful for the people who have impacted me here. I'll miss my family a lot when I leave, my sister, Kaui, my other sister, Maka...hell, I'm even going to miss that lady Marlene at the bus stop that I see every morning. lol.

But, change helps me grow and I'm ready for a new change soon. :)

Hawaii is awesome, though.

The Art of Losing

This blog's for you, Maeva. I believe you asked me awhile back, for the link to my blog about losing weight. I was inspired tonight when I talked to two personal trainers at a church meeting. I've been in several instances since I've been to Hawaii where exercise has been the topic of conversation, so here's my story of how I lost over 80 pounds within a year period.

The first picture is actually my before picture. That was me in 2008. I weighed about 220 pounds. The biggest I've gotten, however, is 240. Everything that made me happy was somehow related to food. When I was 16, that was fine. It wasn't as hard to burn off calories. But, by the time I hit 25 years old, my metabolism began to slow down. I started to slow down, and I became more and more comfortable getting sedentary as well.

A few months after the picture above was taken, I decided to slowly diet. I didn't begin by running three miles a day. The fact of the matter is, is your body gets used to exercising. Yes, you can lose weight faster by working out more. That's common sense. However, you will plateau. I began by walking 10 minutes. Yes, that's how out of shape I was. I did that for about a week. I then moved on to 20 minutes, which is equivalent to a mile of walking, for two weeks. After the second week, I had moved up to 30 minutes and increased the speed. The following month, I began working out for an hour a day, six days a week.

I went from 196 to 170 within a month. This was in 2009. I eventually got down to 150. That's the slimmest I ever was. I never made it a goal to get down to a certain weight. At 150, I was wearing a size five. So although I was never that thin according to my literal weight, I was losing inches like crazy.

It's 2012, and I've managed to keep the weight off:

I have no secrets. I keep myself very active. I don't do any type of diet fads. I never have and never will promote that. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out to just eat less, workout more. Or, increase your intake of vegetables. Even some fruits are loaded with natural sugars. I love bananas, but if I eat those all day, it would defeat the whole purpose.

I also didn't join any gym. I didn't ask anyone what they did to lose weight. I just stayed consistent. I did incorporate spirituality into my exercise regimen. I think physical health is more about being mentally focused. If you have that, along with motivation, you'll lose weight and you'll keep it off.

I always ate about six meals a day. It would usually go as follows:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with a piece of fruit.

Snack: Raw almonds or raw peanuts.

Lunch: My lunch would vary. I'd usually eat some type of protein for lunch like chicken or tuna with a salad. I cut out red meat altogether.

Snack: Organic fig newtons with raw almonds and/or sliced apples.

Dinner: Meat and vegetables. Sometimes I'd have rice, but I was very careful about eating rice.

Snack: Something healthy. Can't remember what but probably more peanuts. lol.

I also drank a lot of water--usually about a gallon a day. Yeah, you'll go to the bathroom quite a bit, but it's really good for you. It makes you fuller and will help keep your metabolism up. I never drank soda.

This may sound corny to some, but I also prayed before each workout. I wanted to make sure I was focused on the important aspect of losing weight--not just losing weight but staying healthy. For me, health is part of my spirituality because it nourishes the soul.

So, there you go... for now. :)

Four Times A Charm

Everyone keeps telling me that eventually Hawaii will become like "home." It seems like everyone wants to become a creature of their environments. That's not really my forte. It was when I first came here. I always considered myself to be someone who was more apt to relating to people from the mainland, but there's several people here from the mainland. So it really has nothing to do with the culture. It has everything to do with perspective.

Since I've been here, I've had a new experience every day. Some of them have been great experiences, others have been not so great. But even the bad experiences have led to some beautiful growth in me. I went through a lot when I first got here, but I'm still alive. I'm still thriving. I'm still persevering. I have worked every single month I've been here. I got a job three weeks after I got here, and I was promoted within a month at my current job. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I didn't forfeit this challenge and just move back right away. I have made the best friendships I could ever acquire, here in Hawaii. It's such a melting pot here that you're forced to see beyond the surface, and what I've seen is I'm surrounded by beauty, both in nature and in those I come into contact with.

This 17-year-old girl gave a talk in church last Sunday. I have never been moved so much by a teenager. So I talked to her for an hour after service. After we talked, her dad offered to give me a ride but I wanted to walk. They drove past me, she stuck her head out the window, waved and smiled and said, "bye Tiare." That image will be embedded in my mind forever of how precious life has become here. I feel blessed, I feel stronger, I feel humbled and I feel everything will be okay. I'm finally coming to terms who I am, and I'm grateful for that. Life... is good. :)

Life is getting ridiculously good.

This has been a wonderful year, so far. I've been truly blessed with some really great experiences, a good job and an abundance of love these days. I really didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year. I just wanted to make the most of each day. I wanted this year to be a time for me to focus on bettering myself, to let go of things which would no longer be beneficial to my progress and to give as much love as I receive.

As I've learned to really appreciate the people in my life, my world has gotten a lot brighter. I was a lot to handle when I first came to Hawaii. I really missed something familiar. Everything was new. I lived in Hawaii when I was a kid, but never as an adult. But, I adjusted rather fast. When I found a job I enjoyed here and started making friends, I absolutely LOVED IT!

<----This has been my best friend since I've moved to Hawaii. She's amazing. She's encouraged me to take boxing from the man who's training her to compete in matches. I told her it would be awesome if we could get in the ring together, but she refuses to fight me. I'll let you all know if she changes her mind though! She and I recently went to Zanzabar (a night club here) and the men flock to this woman like I have never seen. Literally, she had three dudes fighting over her at the club. It's kind of funny... if only they all knew she could beat them up. :)



I feel really blessed for each day that I have here. I do thank God that I'm waking up to another day in paradise, and I've learned a lot from the people here. I even enjoy going to church here! lol. The things people do and say here really stand out to me. They may not even realize it, but I'm touched by the humility and random acts of kindness I see displayed here on a daily basis. I hope I'm here long enough to carry this spirit in my heart forever. A friend of mine, moved here five years ago from Alabama. She told me, "once you've been to Hawaii, there's no place after that." She's right. It is paradise in so many ways.

I am grateful for my friends in Utah as well. Before I left, I had many people in Utah who helped me out, and hopefully I'll get the opportunity to visit them in the future. Until now, I'm enjoying what life is bringing me. :)




P.S. Check out the UFC gym if you're in Hawaii! The trainers are awesome!! Can't wait until it opens!

Third's the charm

This is the third month I've been in Hawaii, and it's finally feeling like home. As much as I hated adjusting to the island, it's going to be an even harder adjustment to leave. I didn't realize how much I needed to learn about myself, about my culture and about the people that I surround myself by. I have met the best people I think I could possibly meet here, and it's made me better.

I had so many amazing experiences when I first got here, that I wish I hadn't taken for granted. The first week I was here, my mom took me to a luau that was an authentic Hawaiian luau. It was all about my culture. Looking back, my attitude was horrible. I really thought I was better when I first got here. I became one of those Polynesians from the mainland that I hate. I thought I was smarter. I thought I had seen more of the world, and I didn't think that anyone who had so much less than I had, could possibly teach me anything more. What I've found, is that I knew nothing. And, I have learned so much. I've learned to be more patient, more accepting and less superficial on what I want in life. And, as a result, I'm definitely happier.

My testimony in this gospel has grown. I have met so many different people from all walks of life: culturally and religously. I've seen different types of struggles, and I've seen that I have so much to be grateful for. I love these people. I love my life. I still crave my independence, but I'm dreading going back to Utah. I don't miss it. I do miss being on my own, and I'd like to start somewhere completely fresh, somewhere where there's Black people preferably. LOL. But, I'll go wherever the Lord sees fit. I thought I'd made a huge mistake coming here, but God knows better than me. And, I'll leave it all up to him for now...

Until then, wish me luck in paradise! :)

Aloha!



Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Thanks!

My deepest sympathies go out to anyone who has suffered with any type of neurological disorder. This has felt like the longest two and a half months of my life, but it has definitely been worth it. I have felt stronger, more capable and more empathetic to anyone who may need help. I remember complaining about having to take care of my family. When I got to a point in my life where I may have had to deal with the possibility of having others take care of me, I realized what a privilege it is to be in a position where I can take care of other people. I pray every night and day that God will put me back in a position where I can be more self-sufficient and able to give back everything that has been given to me.

What I have been blessed with the most is a very good support system. My friends and family are awesome. Even the people that I haven't gotten along with, have taught me something about myself and the way I should treat other people.

My friends have taught me the most, though. My friends are all so selfless and undeniably AWESOME. I have friends who are going through some of the hardest of hardships but still manage to check on me to see how I'm doing or are more concerned with my life. Thank you so much for all that you do! I appreciate it:

Jan
Becky
Maka
Damian
Malcolm
Melynda
Dukes
Karen
Melvin
Bruce
Jennifer
Alison
Raimana
Dwight
Nathan
Monica
Madi


and my close cousins...
Kaui
Katherine
Krimsen :)


Love you guys ALL very much! :)
(and anyone else I forgot...)






Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Transition to Hawaii Nei.

Aw, being in Hawaii has been quite an experience. Before I got here, I had my entire year planned out. I found myself a cute little place in Utah, and I had enough saved up in my account to factor in trips throughout the year. All that changed when health concerns and apartment setbacks came into play. My plans, literally changed within days, and a part of me was absolutely heartbroken. I looked at it as an opportunity to finally be independent and live my own life while I was single and uncommitted. I've never really wanted to settle down and have a family, but I was forced back into a situation that would require I take a step back from myself and my plans in order to help out those around me.

Was I happy about that? No. lol. But, I had a talk with my bishop from church, and he said something to me that really stood out. He told me that he completely understood my frustration and wanting my independence, but he said there's a reason I'm here and I have two choices. I could be "bitter" or I could be "better." He told me adversity makes you better, and through our adversities, God always gives us our due blessings. He told me to let go. Let go of everything I've given. Stop being resentful about giving so much because resentment is a prerequisite to selfishness, and he said, "trust God. Trust Him and you will be okay."

My spirituality in Hawaii has thrived. I have cried so much since I've gotten here, but that's the point. I've cried. I never cried that much in Utah, but maybe I need this. My heart is coming alive again. And as much as it hurts, at least I know it's still there... lol. I have never loved so much since I've been home. I see the good in people. I appreciate every little thing I have and realize that having less sometimes, is actually a blessing.

Adjusting to a new stepfather was absolutely the most difficult. Honestly, I hated him when I first got here. He's stubborn. He's set in his ways, and he has to do everything the way he wants to do it. It doesn't sound like me at ALL. LOL. But, although he and I have already butt heads, he understands me. And, he has done way for me than my own father has. I haven't had a father in my life since I was six years old, and that has been the greatest blessing God has given me since I've been back. And knowing he's here to take care of my mom if I leave, makes me feel so much more secure.

My health is doing better. I was taken off of Topamax because it was causing problems with my coordination, and I have been put on a new drug called Keppra. It's a little difficult getting used to because it makes me so tired, but it's a lot more difficult having a seizure and being unconscious than taking my medication. So one day at a time and one step at a time. As my nurse said to me in the hospital yesterday, "slow and steady wins the race, sweetie..."

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your support. I will update you all again soon! Enjoy this video Kat and I made before I left Utah. :)

The beauty in change.

My niece at Waimanalo.

"Love yourself, love life, love others..."

Before I left to relocate to Hawaii, I asked my friends to give me something to read for my ridiculous layover in Seattle. I just barely listened to a voicemail that one of my friends e-mailed me before I left Utah. The quote above was the last thing she said before she ended her voicemail: "Love yourself, love life, love others."

It has been a very eventful past two months. Yes, I took a trip all around the continental United States, it seems, in September. Actually, I just went to Arizona. It wasn't that big of a deal, but I'm glad that I was able to travel a little before I came back to Hawaii. Arizona was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the people that I stayed with there, and I always get excited when I'm getting ready to travel. The experiences I've had recently have been priceless.

I have met a lot of people just at the airports. I met the cutest old couple on my flight from Seattle to Hawaii, who were nice enough to tell me all about their family and their travels. They told me they were staying with their daughter who lives here. She teaches at UH and they told me about a son they had who relocated to Jakarta, Indonesia. I told them that inspired me to be a little more adventurous and take more risks in life. I'm not sure how big of a risk coming to Hawaii is. After all, nearly my entire extended family is here. [laughs] But, it has definitely been an adventure.

(My dad, brother and I, walking to the Navy Exchange & Commisary below)

I have had some highs & even a few lows since I've been here. Everyone keeps asking me what the biggest adjustment has been relocating back to Hawaii. The biggest adjustment, quite truthfully, is just not being able to afford living on my own. I miss having the security of knowing I can break away if I wanted to. We're all still getting used to one another's quirks and personalities, given that my mom just got remarried. It hasn't always been an easy transition, but it's obviously where I need to be right now. I believe that things happen for a reason, and that God brings us through circumstances to allow us to grow. And, I see the atmosphere here. There's a lovingness about Hawaii that can't be beat, and it has definitely helped me to grow. I'm not saying that everyone here is perfect, but I see much more compassion and acceptance here. The first few days were tough. I missed the modern conveniences & the fast pace of the mainland, but the more I open my mind, the more I realize I am indefinitely in paradise.

Drive to visit my grandmothers' graves.

Being here has definitely brought out all my emotions. In a way, though, I think that has helped me to be a little more discerning in the choices I make. My spirituality is better here. No offense to my Utah peeps (lol) but my spirituality suffered immensely when I was there. Before I left, I came to a lot of realizations about the friends I have & how truly selfish a lot of the people I surrounded myself by were. If and when I do move back, I plan on being much more selective about who I associate with, and I think I'd have a better grasp on others' characters. I was definitely more appreciative of my family while I was there, and I miss my cousin, Katherine the most. So the playlist is dedicated to you and all the nights we danced or listened to music, and YES, we will karaoke when I see you again. ;)

Brunch at Trio!

I'll try to be a better cousin. But, thank you for letting me stay at your place and for doing so much for me before I left. I felt like I could finally breathe when I got to your apartment. Then, we had a little too much fun but hey, might as well. ;)

I'm grateful for what I've had and what's to come. It's nice to see my mom in a healthy environment and watching her be with someone after being alone for so long. I know I can be a handful, but I appreciate the fact that my family sticks by me and deals with my crazy emotions sometimes. So, whatever will be, will be, will be. Hawaii it is for now...

Utah, Arizona and Hawaii.

Yes, I have more pictures than this but half of them were taken on my phone & the other half were taken on Katherine's camera, and we haven't uploaded those yet. :)  Anyhow, let me just say that I'd like to sincerely thank my friends who have put me up this month.  My plans have changed drastically, and my mind has been going full-throttle on how I'd adjust to those last-minute changes.  I had planned to have my own place in Utah, continue it out at my current job and travel whenever the mood would permit.  Unfortunately, that's not how things panned out.  My apartment turned out to be a complete bust, and although I was fully reimbursed for the rent, deposit and plumber I had to hire, there were many adverse times while I had my own apartment.  To make a long story short, I stayed in hotels at least once a week,  I missed several days of work because of the issues I had with my place, and my mom landed herself in the hospital in Utah and Hawaii for high blood pressure and a bacterial infection she had contracted from staying with me for two weeks.

August was a nightmare and it took a lot for me to get sufficient rest.  When things finally died down and I was able to do something for myself, I decided to book a trip to Arizona.  I knew that I wanted to move back to Hawaii after I dealt with the last incident from my property manager and owner.  Utah County and the mindset here just wasn't for me anymore.  I have a solid belief in God and the karma of being a good person, but as far as religion and where I'm headed concerning that, Utah just isn't where I want to be.  But anyway, I'm going off on a tangent.  I wanted to see a couple of people in Arizona before I departed to Hawaii.  And I figured if I booked a trip so close to my trip back home to Hawaii, I'd get the travel bug out of my system for the time being.

It seemed to work.  Arriving in Phoenix was fun.  I thought Arizona had an interesting atmosphere.  It was cool to see the palm trees and get a glimpse of the desert.  I have to say, though, I have never seen such a slow pace.  I never thought I'd see the day when I actually visited a place that was boring-er than Utah.  Yes, I said boring-er.  I live in Utah County where there's virtually NOTHING to do, but Arizona was SUPER dead.  And to be honest, once I stepped foot outside, I didn't want to do anything anyway.  It was one degree hotter than hell.  Everyone told me it cooled down in September, but it was 103 degrees at 10 o'clock at night.  Yeah, that's not cool to me.

I met up with some very good friends while I was there though.  I was hoping that I'd see my friend Damian in Tucson, but he got out late from a board meeting the day before I was leaving, and he didn't have time to drive up to Chandler, where I was staying.  I saw a friend from my old ward, and it was good to visit with her.  And I spent some time with my friend Phil.  Phil and I basically watched movies, ate some gouda cheese & sipped on champagne and some pretty bomb wine.  Hey, no use the champagne going to waste when he'd already bought it. :D  By the time I hung out with Phil on Friday, though, everything had caught up with me.  I was hot, tired, grouchy and bored.  Lesson learned, don't go anywhere without a car.  I think I probably would have enjoyed my Arizona trip a little better if I had been able to go to and fro by my own accord.  Don't get me wrong, the people that were hosting me were extremely gracious about taking me where I needed to go, but when they were at work or school, I regretted not putting myself in a more independent situation.  I wished I could have just driven down to Tucson myself or checked to see if a nightlife was actually existent in Chandler. lol.

Still, I don't regret one second of my trip to Arizona.  It was a very short trip, and I enjoyed the people that I met while I was there.  Now I can say that I saw Arizona and I even had a couple romantic experiences as well. :) I'm excited to be back home in Hawaii, but I have been having some anxiety also.  I'm going to miss the accessibility of the mainland and the fact that I could live independently here.  I found myself a little this month, and as difficult as some of the circumstances were, I thoroughly enjoyed my freedom.  I will miss my space.  And I don't want to ever be confined to the point where I become codependent on others in the way I view myself.  I liked hanging out with myself. LOL.

It will be nice to be around my mom and brothers, and I'm looking forward to having more of a settled life.  But I'm going to miss my short gypsy adventures. :(  Oh well.  I guess I can just lie on the beach when I get irritated with my family, because I know they won't EVER get irritated with me. :D  I really fell in love with all the people I stayed with.  I know I don't say a lot or show a lot of emotions, but it was great getting to know everybody.  And I found that I'm a very easy person to love as well. LOL.  In fact, I got an offer to live in Arizona if I wanted to, which was flattering, but yeah, I'll end up murdering someone if I'm hot like that all the time.

I'll miss Phil (even though he seemed pretty happy to get rid of me. LOL)  Jerk.  And I loved listening to Rachel play the ukulele and sax.  (I so didn't enjoy the Phoenix airport though.)  I always thought I could live anywhere as long as I worked for the airlines, but yeah, I don't want to work in Phoenix.  I'll just get a really good job so I can travel whenever I want.  I hope I see my Arizona peoples in Hawaii very, VERY soon.

And I'll see all my familia in Hawaii in about three days! :)  For now... Kat and I are going to ENJOY these next few days!!! :)