Tuesday, August 2, 2011


For the past few months, I've been trying to write.  Nothing.  I've been at a complete writer's block, and when I would begin to write, it seemed infused with negative emotions.  Now that my head is a little clearer, I'm discovering the bigger picture.  My life is about to transition heavily, and although I'm very excited about the changes, the entire process has been bittersweet. 

I'm preparing to say goodbye to my mom and brothers.  They're getting ready to leave to Hawaii to start a new journey.  Part of me is excited to get a taste of sheer and utter independence.  Another part of me, reminisces on all the good and bad times that has kept us so close to one another.  These three drive me absolutely up the walls sometimes, and I'm sure I probably ... okay I know I drive them crazy as well.  Sometimes it seems like we're all three so different, it's difficult to relate to where the other is coming from, but one thing we all have in common:  we're passionate. 

I will miss my mom's passion for her work, for her children and for life.  She's my best friend.  We fight, we disagree, we get frustrated with each other, but we're so much alike.  We're both expressive, both emotional basket cases and both love a little too hard sometimes.  But, she has taught me how to live life in the most beautiful way.

I always thought my emotions were a bad thing... and oh boy, sometimes they are.  But, when I'm overlooking a scenic view after a two mile strenuous hike and feel that depth of gratitude for nature, I know that's my mom.  She has taught me to appreciate everything life has to offer.  I'll miss her hugs.  I'll miss how excited she gets over every little goal I accomplish.  I'll miss having someone around 24/7 that believes in me 100 percent, even when I don't believe in myself.  My mom has done a lot for me, and she's done it alone.  She's taught me to be who I am.  And that is invaluable. 

Aw, my brothers.  People ask me if I'm spoiled being the only girl.  Those are usually the people that aren't familiar with the Polynesian way.  In my culture, a lot gets put on the girl.  At times, I wished I had a sister to confide in, to freaking help with the HOUSEWORK, to relate to my hormones (lol) etc.  However, I've had two of the greatest friends in those two.  I'll thoroughly miss my baby brother's cooking.  I hope that when he does go to Hawaii, he utilizes all the talents he's been provided.  He has been truly blessed with some skills.  I have accomplished a great deal through my determination and utter stubbornness, but I feel like my younger brother has the talents.  I hope he develops his culinary chops and oh my word, his art skills.  One thing that drives me up the walls about my baby brother, Te'a, is that he can draw and doesn't save his sketches.  He'll sketch something out of this world and then toss it.  I hope he sees just how much he's worth.  All the rest of us can.

I will miss my older brother's positivity.  I think he has a lot more heart than he lets on regarding his family, and I want just as much for him as I do for Te'a.  My brother, Timo, and I have been through some huge emotional blowouts.  He's worked my nerves, I've worked his.  But, he has a good heart.  He provided for us financially and thanks to him, we all three got to experience the Rio in Vegas!  That was one of the funnest trips I've had in so long.  I loved seeing my family that happy and that relaxed after so many hardships we faced that year. 

Oddly enough, I'll miss those hardships.  There have been blood, sweat and tears in the challenges we've contended with as a family.  We haven't always had the support that we've offered others, but I'm grateful for that.  It brought us closer together as a unit.  And, when you've fought battles together, regardless of the heartache and pain, it forms an undeniable bond.  I've learned a lot about hard work and selflessness because of my family.  These three mean the world to me.  I can honestly say that I love them more than I love anyone else in this world.  I've even loved them more than myself. 

Perhaps, that hasn't always been the healthiest way to live my life.  But, they've given everything in my life so much more purpose.  I will miss walking two miles to the store with my brothers when our car breaks down. lol.  I'll miss watching my favorite shows with my family and how thrilled they are to see me get excited over something as insignificant as a television show. lol  I'll miss how happy my mom gets over giving so much to others.  She loves to give and I'm amazed how much she enjoys making others happy.  I will miss them.

And regardless of how "independent" I might become, they will always be with me.