Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Third's the charm

This is the third month I've been in Hawaii, and it's finally feeling like home. As much as I hated adjusting to the island, it's going to be an even harder adjustment to leave. I didn't realize how much I needed to learn about myself, about my culture and about the people that I surround myself by. I have met the best people I think I could possibly meet here, and it's made me better.

I had so many amazing experiences when I first got here, that I wish I hadn't taken for granted. The first week I was here, my mom took me to a luau that was an authentic Hawaiian luau. It was all about my culture. Looking back, my attitude was horrible. I really thought I was better when I first got here. I became one of those Polynesians from the mainland that I hate. I thought I was smarter. I thought I had seen more of the world, and I didn't think that anyone who had so much less than I had, could possibly teach me anything more. What I've found, is that I knew nothing. And, I have learned so much. I've learned to be more patient, more accepting and less superficial on what I want in life. And, as a result, I'm definitely happier.

My testimony in this gospel has grown. I have met so many different people from all walks of life: culturally and religously. I've seen different types of struggles, and I've seen that I have so much to be grateful for. I love these people. I love my life. I still crave my independence, but I'm dreading going back to Utah. I don't miss it. I do miss being on my own, and I'd like to start somewhere completely fresh, somewhere where there's Black people preferably. LOL. But, I'll go wherever the Lord sees fit. I thought I'd made a huge mistake coming here, but God knows better than me. And, I'll leave it all up to him for now...

Until then, wish me luck in paradise! :)


Music Playlist at

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


My deepest sympathies go out to anyone who has suffered with any type of neurological disorder. This has felt like the longest two and a half months of my life, but it has definitely been worth it. I have felt stronger, more capable and more empathetic to anyone who may need help. I remember complaining about having to take care of my family. When I got to a point in my life where I may have had to deal with the possibility of having others take care of me, I realized what a privilege it is to be in a position where I can take care of other people. I pray every night and day that God will put me back in a position where I can be more self-sufficient and able to give back everything that has been given to me.

What I have been blessed with the most is a very good support system. My friends and family are awesome. Even the people that I haven't gotten along with, have taught me something about myself and the way I should treat other people.

My friends have taught me the most, though. My friends are all so selfless and undeniably AWESOME. I have friends who are going through some of the hardest of hardships but still manage to check on me to see how I'm doing or are more concerned with my life. Thank you so much for all that you do! I appreciate it:


and my close cousins...
Krimsen :)

Love you guys ALL very much! :)
(and anyone else I forgot...)

Music Playlist at

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Transition to Hawaii Nei.

Aw, being in Hawaii has been quite an experience. Before I got here, I had my entire year planned out. I found myself a cute little place in Utah, and I had enough saved up in my account to factor in trips throughout the year. All that changed when health concerns and apartment setbacks came into play. My plans, literally changed within days, and a part of me was absolutely heartbroken. I looked at it as an opportunity to finally be independent and live my own life while I was single and uncommitted. I've never really wanted to settle down and have a family, but I was forced back into a situation that would require I take a step back from myself and my plans in order to help out those around me.

Was I happy about that? No. lol. But, I had a talk with my bishop from church, and he said something to me that really stood out. He told me that he completely understood my frustration and wanting my independence, but he said there's a reason I'm here and I have two choices. I could be "bitter" or I could be "better." He told me adversity makes you better, and through our adversities, God always gives us our due blessings. He told me to let go. Let go of everything I've given. Stop being resentful about giving so much because resentment is a prerequisite to selfishness, and he said, "trust God. Trust Him and you will be okay."

My spirituality in Hawaii has thrived. I have cried so much since I've gotten here, but that's the point. I've cried. I never cried that much in Utah, but maybe I need this. My heart is coming alive again. And as much as it hurts, at least I know it's still there... lol. I have never loved so much since I've been home. I see the good in people. I appreciate every little thing I have and realize that having less sometimes, is actually a blessing.

Adjusting to a new stepfather was absolutely the most difficult. Honestly, I hated him when I first got here. He's stubborn. He's set in his ways, and he has to do everything the way he wants to do it. It doesn't sound like me at ALL. LOL. But, although he and I have already butt heads, he understands me. And, he has done way for me than my own father has. I haven't had a father in my life since I was six years old, and that has been the greatest blessing God has given me since I've been back. And knowing he's here to take care of my mom if I leave, makes me feel so much more secure.

My health is doing better. I was taken off of Topamax because it was causing problems with my coordination, and I have been put on a new drug called Keppra. It's a little difficult getting used to because it makes me so tired, but it's a lot more difficult having a seizure and being unconscious than taking my medication. So one day at a time and one step at a time. As my nurse said to me in the hospital yesterday, "slow and steady wins the race, sweetie..."

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your support. I will update you all again soon! Enjoy this video Kat and I made before I left Utah. :)

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The beauty in change.

My niece at Waimanalo.

"Love yourself, love life, love others..."

Before I left to relocate to Hawaii, I asked my friends to give me something to read for my ridiculous layover in Seattle. I just barely listened to a voicemail that one of my friends e-mailed me before I left Utah. The quote above was the last thing she said before she ended her voicemail: "Love yourself, love life, love others."

It has been a very eventful past two months. Yes, I took a trip all around the continental United States, it seems, in September. Actually, I just went to Arizona. It wasn't that big of a deal, but I'm glad that I was able to travel a little before I came back to Hawaii. Arizona was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the people that I stayed with there, and I always get excited when I'm getting ready to travel. The experiences I've had recently have been priceless.

I have met a lot of people just at the airports. I met the cutest old couple on my flight from Seattle to Hawaii, who were nice enough to tell me all about their family and their travels. They told me they were staying with their daughter who lives here. She teaches at UH and they told me about a son they had who relocated to Jakarta, Indonesia. I told them that inspired me to be a little more adventurous and take more risks in life. I'm not sure how big of a risk coming to Hawaii is. After all, nearly my entire extended family is here. [laughs] But, it has definitely been an adventure.

(My dad, brother and I, walking to the Navy Exchange & Commisary below)

I have had some highs & even a few lows since I've been here. Everyone keeps asking me what the biggest adjustment has been relocating back to Hawaii. The biggest adjustment, quite truthfully, is just not being able to afford living on my own. I miss having the security of knowing I can break away if I wanted to. We're all still getting used to one another's quirks and personalities, given that my mom just got remarried. It hasn't always been an easy transition, but it's obviously where I need to be right now. I believe that things happen for a reason, and that God brings us through circumstances to allow us to grow. And, I see the atmosphere here. There's a lovingness about Hawaii that can't be beat, and it has definitely helped me to grow. I'm not saying that everyone here is perfect, but I see much more compassion and acceptance here. The first few days were tough. I missed the modern conveniences & the fast pace of the mainland, but the more I open my mind, the more I realize I am indefinitely in paradise.

Drive to visit my grandmothers' graves.

Being here has definitely brought out all my emotions. In a way, though, I think that has helped me to be a little more discerning in the choices I make. My spirituality is better here. No offense to my Utah peeps (lol) but my spirituality suffered immensely when I was there. Before I left, I came to a lot of realizations about the friends I have & how truly selfish a lot of the people I surrounded myself by were. If and when I do move back, I plan on being much more selective about who I associate with, and I think I'd have a better grasp on others' characters. I was definitely more appreciative of my family while I was there, and I miss my cousin, Katherine the most. So the playlist is dedicated to you and all the nights we danced or listened to music, and YES, we will karaoke when I see you again. ;)

Brunch at Trio!

I'll try to be a better cousin. But, thank you for letting me stay at your place and for doing so much for me before I left. I felt like I could finally breathe when I got to your apartment. Then, we had a little too much fun but hey, might as well. ;)

I'm grateful for what I've had and what's to come. It's nice to see my mom in a healthy environment and watching her be with someone after being alone for so long. I know I can be a handful, but I appreciate the fact that my family sticks by me and deals with my crazy emotions sometimes. So, whatever will be, will be, will be. Hawaii it is for now...

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Utah, Arizona and Hawaii.

Yes, I have more pictures than this but half of them were taken on my phone & the other half were taken on Katherine's camera, and we haven't uploaded those yet. :)  Anyhow, let me just say that I'd like to sincerely thank my friends who have put me up this month.  My plans have changed drastically, and my mind has been going full-throttle on how I'd adjust to those last-minute changes.  I had planned to have my own place in Utah, continue it out at my current job and travel whenever the mood would permit.  Unfortunately, that's not how things panned out.  My apartment turned out to be a complete bust, and although I was fully reimbursed for the rent, deposit and plumber I had to hire, there were many adverse times while I had my own apartment.  To make a long story short, I stayed in hotels at least once a week,  I missed several days of work because of the issues I had with my place, and my mom landed herself in the hospital in Utah and Hawaii for high blood pressure and a bacterial infection she had contracted from staying with me for two weeks.

August was a nightmare and it took a lot for me to get sufficient rest.  When things finally died down and I was able to do something for myself, I decided to book a trip to Arizona.  I knew that I wanted to move back to Hawaii after I dealt with the last incident from my property manager and owner.  Utah County and the mindset here just wasn't for me anymore.  I have a solid belief in God and the karma of being a good person, but as far as religion and where I'm headed concerning that, Utah just isn't where I want to be.  But anyway, I'm going off on a tangent.  I wanted to see a couple of people in Arizona before I departed to Hawaii.  And I figured if I booked a trip so close to my trip back home to Hawaii, I'd get the travel bug out of my system for the time being.

It seemed to work.  Arriving in Phoenix was fun.  I thought Arizona had an interesting atmosphere.  It was cool to see the palm trees and get a glimpse of the desert.  I have to say, though, I have never seen such a slow pace.  I never thought I'd see the day when I actually visited a place that was boring-er than Utah.  Yes, I said boring-er.  I live in Utah County where there's virtually NOTHING to do, but Arizona was SUPER dead.  And to be honest, once I stepped foot outside, I didn't want to do anything anyway.  It was one degree hotter than hell.  Everyone told me it cooled down in September, but it was 103 degrees at 10 o'clock at night.  Yeah, that's not cool to me.

I met up with some very good friends while I was there though.  I was hoping that I'd see my friend Damian in Tucson, but he got out late from a board meeting the day before I was leaving, and he didn't have time to drive up to Chandler, where I was staying.  I saw a friend from my old ward, and it was good to visit with her.  And I spent some time with my friend Phil.  Phil and I basically watched movies, ate some gouda cheese & sipped on champagne and some pretty bomb wine.  Hey, no use the champagne going to waste when he'd already bought it. :D  By the time I hung out with Phil on Friday, though, everything had caught up with me.  I was hot, tired, grouchy and bored.  Lesson learned, don't go anywhere without a car.  I think I probably would have enjoyed my Arizona trip a little better if I had been able to go to and fro by my own accord.  Don't get me wrong, the people that were hosting me were extremely gracious about taking me where I needed to go, but when they were at work or school, I regretted not putting myself in a more independent situation.  I wished I could have just driven down to Tucson myself or checked to see if a nightlife was actually existent in Chandler. lol.

Still, I don't regret one second of my trip to Arizona.  It was a very short trip, and I enjoyed the people that I met while I was there.  Now I can say that I saw Arizona and I even had a couple romantic experiences as well. :) I'm excited to be back home in Hawaii, but I have been having some anxiety also.  I'm going to miss the accessibility of the mainland and the fact that I could live independently here.  I found myself a little this month, and as difficult as some of the circumstances were, I thoroughly enjoyed my freedom.  I will miss my space.  And I don't want to ever be confined to the point where I become codependent on others in the way I view myself.  I liked hanging out with myself. LOL.

It will be nice to be around my mom and brothers, and I'm looking forward to having more of a settled life.  But I'm going to miss my short gypsy adventures. :(  Oh well.  I guess I can just lie on the beach when I get irritated with my family, because I know they won't EVER get irritated with me. :D  I really fell in love with all the people I stayed with.  I know I don't say a lot or show a lot of emotions, but it was great getting to know everybody.  And I found that I'm a very easy person to love as well. LOL.  In fact, I got an offer to live in Arizona if I wanted to, which was flattering, but yeah, I'll end up murdering someone if I'm hot like that all the time.

I'll miss Phil (even though he seemed pretty happy to get rid of me. LOL)  Jerk.  And I loved listening to Rachel play the ukulele and sax.  (I so didn't enjoy the Phoenix airport though.)  I always thought I could live anywhere as long as I worked for the airlines, but yeah, I don't want to work in Phoenix.  I'll just get a really good job so I can travel whenever I want.  I hope I see my Arizona peoples in Hawaii very, VERY soon.

And I'll see all my familia in Hawaii in about three days! :)  For now... Kat and I are going to ENJOY these next few days!!! :)


Tuesday, August 2, 2011


For the past few months, I've been trying to write.  Nothing.  I've been at a complete writer's block, and when I would begin to write, it seemed infused with negative emotions.  Now that my head is a little clearer, I'm discovering the bigger picture.  My life is about to transition heavily, and although I'm very excited about the changes, the entire process has been bittersweet. 

I'm preparing to say goodbye to my mom and brothers.  They're getting ready to leave to Hawaii to start a new journey.  Part of me is excited to get a taste of sheer and utter independence.  Another part of me, reminisces on all the good and bad times that has kept us so close to one another.  These three drive me absolutely up the walls sometimes, and I'm sure I probably ... okay I know I drive them crazy as well.  Sometimes it seems like we're all three so different, it's difficult to relate to where the other is coming from, but one thing we all have in common:  we're passionate. 

I will miss my mom's passion for her work, for her children and for life.  She's my best friend.  We fight, we disagree, we get frustrated with each other, but we're so much alike.  We're both expressive, both emotional basket cases and both love a little too hard sometimes.  But, she has taught me how to live life in the most beautiful way.

I always thought my emotions were a bad thing... and oh boy, sometimes they are.  But, when I'm overlooking a scenic view after a two mile strenuous hike and feel that depth of gratitude for nature, I know that's my mom.  She has taught me to appreciate everything life has to offer.  I'll miss her hugs.  I'll miss how excited she gets over every little goal I accomplish.  I'll miss having someone around 24/7 that believes in me 100 percent, even when I don't believe in myself.  My mom has done a lot for me, and she's done it alone.  She's taught me to be who I am.  And that is invaluable. 

Aw, my brothers.  People ask me if I'm spoiled being the only girl.  Those are usually the people that aren't familiar with the Polynesian way.  In my culture, a lot gets put on the girl.  At times, I wished I had a sister to confide in, to freaking help with the HOUSEWORK, to relate to my hormones (lol) etc.  However, I've had two of the greatest friends in those two.  I'll thoroughly miss my baby brother's cooking.  I hope that when he does go to Hawaii, he utilizes all the talents he's been provided.  He has been truly blessed with some skills.  I have accomplished a great deal through my determination and utter stubbornness, but I feel like my younger brother has the talents.  I hope he develops his culinary chops and oh my word, his art skills.  One thing that drives me up the walls about my baby brother, Te'a, is that he can draw and doesn't save his sketches.  He'll sketch something out of this world and then toss it.  I hope he sees just how much he's worth.  All the rest of us can.

I will miss my older brother's positivity.  I think he has a lot more heart than he lets on regarding his family, and I want just as much for him as I do for Te'a.  My brother, Timo, and I have been through some huge emotional blowouts.  He's worked my nerves, I've worked his.  But, he has a good heart.  He provided for us financially and thanks to him, we all three got to experience the Rio in Vegas!  That was one of the funnest trips I've had in so long.  I loved seeing my family that happy and that relaxed after so many hardships we faced that year. 

Oddly enough, I'll miss those hardships.  There have been blood, sweat and tears in the challenges we've contended with as a family.  We haven't always had the support that we've offered others, but I'm grateful for that.  It brought us closer together as a unit.  And, when you've fought battles together, regardless of the heartache and pain, it forms an undeniable bond.  I've learned a lot about hard work and selflessness because of my family.  These three mean the world to me.  I can honestly say that I love them more than I love anyone else in this world.  I've even loved them more than myself. 

Perhaps, that hasn't always been the healthiest way to live my life.  But, they've given everything in my life so much more purpose.  I will miss walking two miles to the store with my brothers when our car breaks down. lol.  I'll miss watching my favorite shows with my family and how thrilled they are to see me get excited over something as insignificant as a television show. lol  I'll miss how happy my mom gets over giving so much to others.  She loves to give and I'm amazed how much she enjoys making others happy.  I will miss them.

And regardless of how "independent" I might become, they will always be with me.