Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Transition to Hawaii Nei.

Aw, being in Hawaii has been quite an experience. Before I got here, I had my entire year planned out. I found myself a cute little place in Utah, and I had enough saved up in my account to factor in trips throughout the year. All that changed when health concerns and apartment setbacks came into play. My plans, literally changed within days, and a part of me was absolutely heartbroken. I looked at it as an opportunity to finally be independent and live my own life while I was single and uncommitted. I've never really wanted to settle down and have a family, but I was forced back into a situation that would require I take a step back from myself and my plans in order to help out those around me.

Was I happy about that? No. lol. But, I had a talk with my bishop from church, and he said something to me that really stood out. He told me that he completely understood my frustration and wanting my independence, but he said there's a reason I'm here and I have two choices. I could be "bitter" or I could be "better." He told me adversity makes you better, and through our adversities, God always gives us our due blessings. He told me to let go. Let go of everything I've given. Stop being resentful about giving so much because resentment is a prerequisite to selfishness, and he said, "trust God. Trust Him and you will be okay."

My spirituality in Hawaii has thrived. I have cried so much since I've gotten here, but that's the point. I've cried. I never cried that much in Utah, but maybe I need this. My heart is coming alive again. And as much as it hurts, at least I know it's still there... lol. I have never loved so much since I've been home. I see the good in people. I appreciate every little thing I have and realize that having less sometimes, is actually a blessing.

Adjusting to a new stepfather was absolutely the most difficult. Honestly, I hated him when I first got here. He's stubborn. He's set in his ways, and he has to do everything the way he wants to do it. It doesn't sound like me at ALL. LOL. But, although he and I have already butt heads, he understands me. And, he has done way for me than my own father has. I haven't had a father in my life since I was six years old, and that has been the greatest blessing God has given me since I've been back. And knowing he's here to take care of my mom if I leave, makes me feel so much more secure.

My health is doing better. I was taken off of Topamax because it was causing problems with my coordination, and I have been put on a new drug called Keppra. It's a little difficult getting used to because it makes me so tired, but it's a lot more difficult having a seizure and being unconscious than taking my medication. So one day at a time and one step at a time. As my nurse said to me in the hospital yesterday, "slow and steady wins the race, sweetie..."

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your support. I will update you all again soon! Enjoy this video Kat and I made before I left Utah. :)